Recessions May Actually Be Good For Your Health, Say Economists

"It's always important to look for the silver lining in every dark cloud," economist Gerald Yabber says. Yabber is the head of an economic think tank recently set up by the federal government to find just such silver linings. Now that it has become obvious to all but the most stupid and the richest (not necessarily mutually exclusive groups) that the recovery the president and his cohorts began proclaiming months ago has certainly not brought the recession to an end for most Americans (or others around the world), the administration decided to bring economic experts together to to look for a silver lining in the recession (other than the silver lining the pockets of bankers and other corporate executives thanks to government bailouts and stimulation packages). The Positive Economic Thinking (PET) Foundation, as the think tank calls itself has announced its first findings today in a report entitled "Health through Poverty".

According to the 5,798 page paper, "Recessions may be good for your health". I wasn't willing to weed through the plethora of mostly ridiculous economistic and bureaucratic lingo of this oversized pile of toilet paper, so I asked Yabber if he could highlight some of the main points. He was glad to do so. "It should be obvious", he said. "In a recession, fewer people are working, so you have fewer workplace accidents... That means better health. And since there are fewer people driving to and from work, there are fewer traffic accidents. And the lack of money for shopping further reduces the number of people on the road, and thus the number of accidents. But these are the less significant factors. More significantly, everyone around the world knows that Americans have a problem with obesity. Well, let's face it, the unemployed and the under-employed simply aren't going to have the bucks to super-size everything anymore. In the long run that will make them lose weight causing reduction in obesity in the U.S. In addition, if things get worse economically, unemployment benefits will run out for more and more people. They won't have the money to go out at all, and think what that will do for their weight... I mean, you've seen those pictures from the Great Depression, not a fat person in the lot! In addition, since those forced into poverty by the recession won't want to waste whatever money they may have on gas, they'll do a lot more walking or bicycling to get to the employment office, the day labor service, the food stamps office and the soup kitchen. And we all know the importance of exercise to good health. Some will complain that all this walking will wear out their shoes precisely when they can least afford new ones. But that can be avoided simply be going barefoot. I was just reading an article on the Internet a few days ago about how much healthier it is to run barefoot. And if the poor and unemployed would run to the soup kitchen or the day labor service, think of the benefits to their health! So you see, a recession is not such a bad thing. We could use it to defeat obesity in America and to improve the overall health of the poor and unemployed in this country. A healthy reserve labor force is always a benefit to the economy."

So there you have it, straight from Yabber's mouth: the first silver lining not in the pockets of the rich that the recession has to offer is better health for the poor and unemployed. And really, weight loss and running could be a real benefit for them. When bread riots and mass food looting begin, they'll have a better chance of getting away from the cops.