Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Gay-Bashing Church Supports Gay Marriage As Punishment for Sin

Westboro Baptist Church, a group that has picketed funerals of known homosexuals with signs reading “God Hates Fags,” has announced a surprising reversal on its stance on gay marriage.

In a press conference explaining the shift, pastor Fred Phelps explained, “marriage is one more way for God to punish them for their sins.” In their battle against “special rights” for gays, the church feels that it is important that they not be spared from suffering due to legal protection from participation in marriage. The church accordingly supports changes to the law and US constitution to reflect that gays may become legally wedded.

“For centuries,” The leader of Westboro Baptist Church said in a special press conference, “Normal, heterosexual people have been forced to stay in loveless relationships, had their dreams crushed by institutionalized romance, and been forced into bizarre economic co-dependencies by the curse of marriage. It is time for the homosexuals to start suffering too.”

He added that marriage was a direct outgrowth of the curse God laid on Adam and Eve for transgressing God’s law in Eden. “Since these people also transgress God’s law and eat of forbidden fruit, so they should also be punished accordingly.”

The announcement has met with considerable controversy both within and outside the church, and has led to an unconfirmed schism among Westboro leadership. Bradley Toole, a highly placed Deacon in the church, was unavailable for comment, although his wife, who answered the phone, said, “Well, obviously he doesn’t feel that way about marriage. Not if he doesn’t want to be sleeping on the couch tonight, he doesn’t.”

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