ECONOMY ENTERS BETTY FORD CLINIC: Bernanke and Geithner Explain the Recovery

Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke, and Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner, held a press conference today to talk about the recovery of the economy.

Geithner explained the reason for the press conference: "One of my greatest victories since becoming treasury secretary seems to be unappreciated by the public. Instead I keep hearing complaints about unemployment, the continuing financial crisis, even predictions of a coming collapse of the economy.... Come on, fellow citizens, you aren't helping a bit with all that negative talk!"

Bernanke took over: "I think the problem is that a lot of people don't really understand what we mean by 'recovery'. Have any of you ever had a friend who had seemed pretty normal for awhile, but suddenly his behavior gets a bit erratic. The next thing you know you have to go and bail him out. This happens three or for times... You realize something is wrong. It's time for an intervention. Some stimulation to get him to look at himself, to realize he has a problem"

Geithner continued: "Well, that is what happened with the economy... We realized it had an addiction problem, and we took action. When we first begin to talk about the economic recovery last summer, it was because the economy finally admitted to us that it had a problem. We began to make arrangements to get it into treatment."

Bernanke: "We contacted the Betty Ford clinic, but they said it would be a few months before they had any room. It was a rough time for all of us during that period. The economy kept getting into more and more trouble."

Geithner: "Finally, this past March, there was an opening in the clinic. It was tricky. After all the economy includes all the bankers, all the corporate executives, and the government itself. So that opening had to be pretty big. But now the economy is undergoing regular, in-patient treatment. So it is, indeed, in recovery."

Bernanke: "Perhaps the most important part of the economy's treatment is the 12-step program. As you can imagine, this has not been easy for the economy. First, how can something as powerful as the economy admit to being powerless? And what power could be higher?"

Geithner: "Although the state certainly intervened for the economy, it certainly can't play the part of the higher power. Not only would that make us look bad in the eyes of the voters, but, more significantly in terms of the recovery process, the state is just as dependent on the economy as the economy is on the state. It is a codependent relationship, and there is reason to believe that the state has been acting for years as an enabler of the economy."

Bernanke: "And as to God? Well, the economy has used God far too long to justify its behavior. There is no way it could think of God as a higher power. So you can see the difficulties involved in this recovery process."

Geithner: "In addition, the economy is certainly not ready to admit its wrongs and make amends. 'If I started admitting all that, I would probably have to kill myself. And if I didn't, making amends for all I've done would kill me.' The therapists at the clinic say that this seems to be the biggest stumbling point for the economy."

Bernanke: "Anyway, we hope this has clarified what we mean by recovery. The economy is undergoing treatment. Its recovery is bound to be slow and painful."

Geithner: "You have to understand, once an addict, always an addict. You can go into recovery, but you will never fully recover. Treatment will always be necessary. That is the situation of the economy."