President Barack Obama this morning signed into law HR1984, the controversial legislation that outlaws discrimination against conformists. Thousands gathered across the country to protest the new law. Most carried signs and/or wore t-shirts with the slogan: "Conformists Go Home!" The signs and shirts were all black with white print.
Mr. Obama spoke briefly with the press after signing the bill into law. "Conformity is what makes this country great," he said, looking dapper as ever in his blue suit with bright red tie. "Just look at our military, our churches, Wall-Mart Street, even hipsters. Conformity is how they got where they are, it is what sets them apart. Nobody should ever be ashamed to conform again!" The crowd cheered entusiastically in unison, followed by the chant, "We Are All the Same! Uniqueness Is A Shame!"
Protestors in Taos, New Mexico rioted all around the town plaza, smashing the windows of every car that is not a hybrid or does not have the bumper sticker "A solution comes up every day" displayed prominently.
In barely related news, Michelle Obama has declared her candidacy for president in 2012. She will run against her incumbent husband, who bidded successfully for the position in 2008, and is very likely to bid even higher the next time around. While there has been no announement yet, Ms. Obama is rumored to have selected Ms. Sarah Palin as her running mate. They will be running on a platform of Anti-Patriarchy, Anti-Racism and Economic Liberation for All Who Deserve It. The details of their platform will be posted soon on their website, hotbitchesinthesaddle.com.
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I am glad to see that an American president has recognized the importance of a fruitful conformity, after all shouldn't that be one of our priviliges, nay, RIGHTS, as Americans? At last, our right to conform has been recognized.
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